TALKIN' TORQUE: Just One Good Excuse

July 2021 Column, Feature Brady L. Kay

This article originally appeared in the June 2021 issue.

Our local movie theater has been closed because of the pandemic for quite some time. Not that I was ever really into the whole silver screen experience anyway. I’ve never been compelled to be the first one in my circles to see a new release; rather, I’m the type who has no problem waiting until I can just stream it online from my couch. Besides, I still enjoy watching classic movies such as Ferris Bueller's Day Off, which I actually just watched last weekend.

I’ve always loved this movie and I don’t think it’s possible to watch it without fantasizing a little about taking an unplanned day off from work every once in a while. However, it seems like ever since the pandemic hit, “calling in sick” or taking unexpected time off has fallen out of fashion in the workforce. It’s actually reached the point where employees are coming to work, even when they shouldn't. Yes, it’s true. Even when we have a legitimate reason to miss work, we’re still finding a way to do our jobs.

Commendable? Well maybe, but with the threat of COVID still lingering it really is best to stay home when you’re truly sick. But I’m not talking about really being sick, I’m going to go so far as to actually recommend that as truck events start coming back, it might be time to skip out of work early and get out of town.

Sometimes leaving work early is a lot harder said than done. That’s why I’ve created this handy little cheat sheet that you can keep close by if you’re ever in need of a quick, believable and heart-breaking reason to cut out of work without cutting your paycheck.

Even if you have the strictest boss on the planet, just choose one of the reasons below that sounds best for your situation and you’ll be free and on your way to the truck pull in less than 10 minutes.

10. You recently had annual blood work done and there was an “irregularity” and you need to go in right away for follow-up testing.

9. Your sister’s potentially-violent boyfriend has kicked her out, and you've got to go help her move—today!

8. Your septic tank overflowed and your yard is flooded with sewage. No one will question your need to take care of this one! Plus your boss doesn’t want to ask for too many details for fear of you recruiting him for help.

7. If your boss is a pet lover, go with a pet emergency. Animal lovers will let you out of work every time!

6. Food poisoning. This works without fail! Just be sure not to blame it on your boss's favorite restaurant. You don’t want to have to answer too many questions.

5. Just say, “I need to run home to let the Internet repair guy in and I’ll be right back.” Then on Monday if anyone asks why you didn’t return just make up some elaborate Internet emergency excuse that you had to deal with.

4. You have diarrhea. Let’s be honest: everyone will be so embarrassed to question you about it that you'll be out of the office in five minutes!

3. Just say, “I threw my back out.” People use this excuse all the time and no one really knows what it means, yet no one seems to question it!

2. Claim a urinary tract infection. This one is great because it can show up overnight and can clear in a day or two without medication. Simply put, no need for a doctor's note!

1. A migraine is a great excuse. Anyone who's really had one will know how painful they are, plus this can set you up perfectly for recurring migraines which translate to even more days off!

While I make no guarantees, I’m confident any one of these excuses should do the trick. Share your success stories or other fail-proof excuses on our Facebook page. Just make sure your boss doesn’t frequent the page; it could blow your cover.  

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